When the world is against us

No matter what your goals are, building mental strength is the key to reaching your greatest potential. Psychotherapist and licensed clinical social worker Amy Morin gave a memorable TED-X speech about strategies for overcoming adversity and building mental muscle. What she said about resilience and the secret of becoming mentally strong nicely resonates with mindful living and its rewards.

Speaking about her own experiences and citing examples from her job as an adjunct psychology instructor, Amy listed three destructive beliefs that hold us back by robbing us of our mental strength.

Unhealthy beliefs of ourselves

Magnifying our misfortune when something bad happens. Indulging in self-pity. Why do bad things always have to happen to ME? I must be doomed. Do these sentences sound familiar? The problem with them is that they keep us focused on the problem and, at the same time, away from finding a solution. As Ami stresses, you cannot come up with constructive solutions if you are hosting your own pity party.

But how do we take up this mentality? Usually it is created when we feel uncomfortable with our own negative feelings. Thinking we can escape feeling miserable, we tend to go a great length to avoid the discomfort. We neglect or suppress what disturbs us, or choose to turn to some other activity instead. In reality, these are just temporary distractions that prolong the pain.

Unhealthy beliefs of others

How often do we think that others can control us, and how often do we tend to think that we give away our power?  Yet the truth is that, as adults living in a free country, there are very few things that we actually HAVE to do. When we lack any power to change.

One common reason for feeling this way is because we tend to compare ourselves to others. We think that they are either above or below us, that they can control how we feel, or we can control how they behave. Other times we blame them for holding us back. Yet, choosing our reactions is always in our power.

Unhealthy beliefs about the world

This is when we tend to think that the world owes us something, and if we put enough hard work into something, success must follow.

Giving up bad mental habits may seem far too difficult because they have been carried around for so long; we get used to them. But, as Amy says, in the long run you cannot afford not to give them up because in order to be able to cope with challenges in harsh times – which sooner or later will come for sure – you will need all the mental strength you can muster. Then good habits will just not be enough.

The secret of being mentally strong

Amy summed it up as follows: the secret to mental strength is to give up bad mental habits. She suggests starting with countering those unhealthy beliefs about ourselves, about others and the world.

Step by step

We must face this: the only way to get through uncomfortable emotions is to embrace them. Let yourself be overwhelmed by those negative feelings, let them be, and then move on. The reward you gain is the confidence of being able to successfully deal with the discomfort.

And how do you go about NOT comparing yourself to others? Amy has some simply advice: the only person you should compare yourself to is the person you were yesterday. Remind yourself that you are separate from others.

Ultimately we must accept that life is not fair. What is the good news about that? No matter how much you have suffered, you are not doomed to keep suffering.

Mindfulness

Together with Amy I invite you to reconsider your unhealthy mental habits.

The practice of mindfulness allows you to notice and experience the build-up of negative feelings, and examine them more closely. That way they are less likely to be suppressed or neglected; in other words, internalized. Plus you give yourself a chance to develop restorative practices.

„Under duress we do not rise to our expectations, we fall to our level of training”

Bruce Lee

What mental beliefs keep you from being as mentally strong as you could be? What is one small step you could take today, right here, right now?