What benefits can mindful living offer for a working mom?

Kids grow up fast. Way too fast. Having a mom with a (full-time or part-time) job away from home means that your kids get less chance to reconnect with you. And when they are eager to share their experiences – let’s be honest, very often we do not (or cannot) appreciate these times. We bring home reports and assignments – or if we don’t, we still find it difficult to leave job-related thoughts behind. Mindfulness helps to be fully present for them when you guys are together – so that mom does not miss any of the important moments. Also, it helps to keep and retain your focus on work whenever it is needed.

My daily to-do list is long enough already – honestly, do I really want to see there additional items waiting to be checked out?

The good news about mindfulness is that, once you get the hang of it, you will not look at it as tasks but as another way to connect with your child. There are a whole lot of creative ways to infuse your daily routine with mindfulness through games and plays. For little kids being in the present moment is natural and innate anyhow. With them it is basically keeping that spark alive and finding fun way to making them aware of these moments – for their own benefit.

How can I be non-judgmental with my kids?  I do have emotions towards them.

The idea is not to become non-judgmental under all circumstances but to learn how to respond wisely to your emotions. How NOT to react habitually or blindly when, for instance, they make you want to scream. You have a right to be angry but probably not as much as you would think and definitely not to act out on your anger in stressful situations.

Mindfulness advocates that every moment is special. Does it mean that I will NOT have any negative feelings then?

Living mindfully does not mean that you are trying to create a special feeling or experience in any way. Simply, it is about realizing that this moment is already special because you are alive and awake in it. You learn how to treat each moment as unique – even if it is unpleasant. It increases your capacity for self-regulation in difficult situations – at home and at work – by getting familiar with discomfort.

Motherhood sometimes feels like a never-ending story – the same routines over and over again. I am caught in the same thoughts again and again. How could I leave those restrictive thoughts behind?

Try to look at these thoughts as weather patterns in your mind that you can observe. Like clouds moving across the sky and so you will not be imprisoned by them. This is easier said than done, I know. That is what formal mindfulness techniques are good for. They let you practice how to take a few steps behind and just observe without being caught up by the thoughts or emotions arising in you.

I am good at multi-tasking. I have no problem working on a report while listening to what my son is telling me. Why should I bother about mindfulness?

Mindfulness, in simple term, is the process of paying attention to what is actually happening – rather than what you THINK is happening. If you’re stuck in the head, you become robotic and self-absorbed. Mindfulness is non-judgmental awareness of the here and now, and behind it there’s a sense of curiosity or exploration for what’s happening. By splitting your attention you just cannot dedicate you full focus to either of the two activities. Multi-tasking is not about efficiency.

With kids around you just cannot help not reminiscing about the past or planning ahead – in other words fully enjoy the present moment. What is wrong with recalling good old memories or making plans for their future?

There is nothing wrong with feeling nostalgic or making plans for your kids’ future.  Looking back and forth in time is the human brain’s default mode of operation. It has its relevance and certainly many advantages – mainly due to evolutionary reasons. Mindful actions make us switch gears into another mode of operation: that is „being mode” or in other words sensing. Here the attention is directed towards sensory experiences, which is always connected to the present moment reality. Little kids are much better at being grounded in the present – this is where we can be their students. Let’s allow them teach us while they are young.